Yes I'm back. I'm sorry to have been out of touch for so long but I'm a cat, deal with it...

This week, I want to talk about that eternal battle, that eternal war, the one between good and evil (otherwise known as the war between cats and dogs). Things have heated up recently and our war correspondent, Cat Astrophe, has emailed back a couple of pictures recently taken from the front.

This first picture is the source of the recent troubles and just proves how evil dogs are. Pictured is one of our soldiers, killed while he was innocently torturing a chihuahua. The doggie-doo brigade tried out an evil new weapon on our soldier, the watermelon cat-apult, with the chilling results you see here. May our loyal calico torturer rest in peace...

Of course we could not let this unprovoked attack go unavenged, so we captured a Great Dane and a Dachshund (I HATE Dachshunds - every time I see one I start looking for the hot dog buns and mustard) and gave them to our science lab. The thrilling, soul-refreshing results are shown here.

That's all for now - more next week (or whenever I feel like it)...

This week, I want to talk more about that eternal battle, that eternal war, the one between good and evil (otherwise known as the war between cats and dogs). In my previous post, I talked about how the battle has been heating up recently and I now want to share some good news with you - the perfection of our latest weapon - the 'Scootapult', otherwise known as the 'Dog Launcher'.

You may recall that our war correspondent Cat Astrophe had emailed back a picture of the watermelon cat-apult. I show it again, below, just to remind you of how evil dogs can be...

And here is another victim of the watermelon cat-apult. This loyal soldier was also minding his own business, just shooting BBs at passing Russian Wolfhounds in an effort to make friends. Oh the horror...

We are very excited about our new weapon and are pleased to show you the results of the first successful test of the 'Scootapult'.

This new weapon is being deployed in the field as rapidly as possible. Go get 'em boys! More news next week...